Champagne Crimes & Dictator Dreams

The Ballad of Big Donnie 🥂

Look, you don’t need this little ol’ newsletter to tell you that grifter / game show host / wannabe tyrant Donald Trump is as close to a sentient golden toilet as one human might hope to get, but it’s always good to reinforce universal truths, especially with the election a mere 83 days away. So, here’s a (far-from-definitive) list of things to consider when voting in this incredibly important election.

Big Donnie’s Business Practices

Bankruptcies:

Trump’s companies have filed for bankruptcy six times. One notable example is the Trump Taj Mahal, which declared bankruptcy in 1991, less than a year after it opened. Trump said, “I’ve used the laws of this country to pare debt. We’ll have the company. We’ll throw it into a chapter, we’ll negotiate with the banks, we’ll make a fantastic deal. You know, it’s like on ‘The Apprentice.’ It’s not personal. It’s just business.”

Trump University:

The lawsuit against Trump University led to a $25 million settlement in 2016. New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman described Trump University as “a classic bait-and-switch scheme” and “fraud from beginning to end.”

Contractor Payments:

Reports indicate that Trump’s businesses often failed to pay contractors. For example, Marty Rosenberg, a cabinetmaker who worked on Trump’s Atlantic City casinos, stated, “They decided they weren’t going to pay. You do a lot of work for them, and they decide not to pay. How could you fight them?”

Trump Foundation:

The Trump Foundation was dissolved in 2018 after a New York state investigation found it engaged in illegal activity, including self-dealing and improper use of charitable funds for Trump’s personal and political expenses. Trump admitted to misusing foundation funds, and he was ordered to pay $2 million in damages.

The Central Park Five:

In 1989, Trump took out full-page ads in New York City newspapers calling for the death penalty for five Black and Latino teenagers accused of raping a jogger in Central Park. The teens, known as the Central Park Five, were later exonerated by DNA evidence. Trump has never apologized and continued to insist on their guilt even after their exoneration.

Big Donnie’s Tax Issues

Tax Returns:

Trump repeatedly stated he would release his tax returns but never did, citing ongoing audits. He said, “I will absolutely give my return, but I’m under audit now for two or three years, so I can’t do it until the audit is finished, obviously.”

Tax Avoidance:

A New York Times investigation revealed that Trump paid only $750 in federal income tax in both 2016 and 2017. The report also noted that he paid no income taxes at all in 10 of the previous 15 years, largely due to reporting massive business losses.

Big Donnie’s Personal Conduct

Sexual Misconduct Allegations:

Over two dozen women have accused Trump of sexual misconduct. Jessica Leeds, one of the accusers, said, “He was like an octopus. His hands were everywhere.”

Access Hollywood Tape:

In the 2005 tape, Trump was heard saying, “I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

Defamation Lawsuits:

Trump has been involved in numerous defamation lawsuits, both as a plaintiff and a defendant. One high-profile case includes E. Jean Carroll, who accused Trump of raping her in the 1990s. When Trump denied the accusation and called her a liar, Carroll sued him for defamation.

Trump's Affair Allegations:

Trump faced multiple allegations of extramarital affairs, including with adult film actress Stormy Daniels and Playboy model Karen McDougal. Both women claimed Trump’s attorney, Michael Cohen, paid them hush money to keep silent about the affairs during the 2016 campaign. Cohen later pleaded guilty to campaign finance violations related to these payments.

Big Donnie’s Political Conduct

Impeachments:

First Impeachment: The House impeached Trump in December 2019 for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. During the investigation, Trump’s call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky included the request, “I would like you to do us a favor, though,” which was seen as a solicitation for investigations into Joe Biden and his son.

Second Impeachment: Following the January 6, 2021, Capitol riot, Trump was impeached for incitement of insurrection. In his speech before the riot, Trump told his supporters, “If you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”

Capitol Riot:

Trump’s speech at the rally preceding the Capitol riot included the statement, “We will never give up. We will never concede. It doesn’t happen. You don’t concede when there’s theft involved.” Critics argue this rhetoric incited the violence that followed.

Emoluments Clause Violations:

Trump faced accusations of violating the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause, which prohibits federal officials from receiving gifts or payments from foreign governments. Critics argued that Trump’s businesses benefited from foreign governments booking rooms and hosting events at his properties. Lawsuits were filed but ultimately dismissed by the Supreme Court after he left office.

Big Donnie’s Rhetoric & Behavior

Racist and Xenophobic Comments:

Trump’s comments about Mexican immigrants during his 2015 campaign announcement included, “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

He also suggested Indiana-born Senior United States District Judge Gonzalo Paul Curiel couldn’t be impartial due to his heritage, stating, “He’s a Mexican. We’re building a wall between here and Mexico.”

Disrespect for the Press:

Trump frequently attacked the media, calling it “the enemy of the people.” He popularized the term "fake news" during his 2016 presidential campaign and presidency to describe media coverage that he perceived as biased or critical of him.

Disparaging Remarks About Veterans:

Trump has made several controversial remarks about veterans and military service members. He reportedly referred to fallen soldiers as "losers" and "suckers" during a visit to a military cemetery in France. He also disparaged Senator John McCain, saying, “He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

Mocking Disabled Reporter:

During a 2015 rally, Trump mocked a disabled New York Times reporter, Serge Kovaleski, by imitating his physical disability. This incident drew widespread condemnation and was seen as a cruel and unpresidential act.

Big Donnie’s Foreign Relations

Cozy Relations with Authoritarians:

Trump praised Vladimir Putin, saying, “If he says great things about me, I’m going to say great things about him.” He also described North Korean leader Kim Jong-un as having a “great and beautiful vision for his country” and said, “We fell in love.”

Ukraine Scandal:

The first impeachment highlighted Trump’s interactions with Ukraine. In his call with President Zelensky, Trump said, “There’s a lot of talk about Biden’s son, that Biden stopped the prosecution, and a lot of people want to find out about that, so whatever you can do with the Attorney General would be great.”

Big Donnie’s "Policies”

Climate Change Denial:

Trump’s administration rolled back numerous environmental protections, and he questioned the science of climate change. In a 2012 tweet, he claimed, “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”

Regulatory Rollbacks:

Trump’s administration rolled back over 100 environmental regulations, often citing economic reasons. Critics argue these rollbacks favored industry interests over environmental and public health.

Mismanagement of Public Lands:

Trump’s administration significantly reduced the size of several national monuments, including Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante in Utah, opening up these areas to mining, drilling, and other commercial activities.

Big Donnie’s COVID-19 Response

Handling of the Pandemic:

Trump downplayed the virus, saying it would “miraculously go away,” and promoted unproven treatments like hydroxychloroquine. In a taped interview with Bob Woodward, Trump admitted to deliberately downplaying the virus: “I wanted to always play it down. I still like playing it down because I don’t want to create a panic.”

Undermining Public Health Officials:

Trump frequently contradicted and undermined public health officials, including Dr. Anthony Fauci. He promoted unproven treatments, questioned the efficacy of masks, and pushed for premature reopening of the economy, which critics argue exacerbated the pandemic.

Big Donnie’s Other Controversies

Charlottesville Response:

In response to the 2017 Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, where white supremacists clashed with counter-protesters and a counter-protester was killed, Trump stated there were “very fine people on both sides.” This comment was widely criticized for equating white supremacists with those protesting against them.

Separation of Families at the Border:

Under Trump’s “zero tolerance” immigration policy, thousands of children were separated from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border. This policy was condemned as inhumane, and the administration faced legal challenges and public outrage over the treatment of migrant families.

Muslim Ban:

One of Trump’s first actions as president was to sign an executive order banning travel from several predominantly Muslim countries. This policy, often referred to as the "Muslim Ban," faced numerous legal challenges and was criticized as discriminatory and harmful to refugees and immigrants.

Nepotism and Conflicts of Interest:

Trump appointed family members, including Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, to senior White House positions. Critics argued this was a conflict of interest and an example of nepotism. There were also concerns about the use of Trump properties for government business and events, potentially enriching his family.

Election Interference Claims:

Trump repeatedly made unfounded claims of widespread voter fraud in the 2020 election, undermining public confidence in the electoral process. His efforts to overturn the election results included pressuring state officials and filing numerous lawsuits, all of which were unsuccessful.

And he’s not done. Should he find his way back into office, Trump promises to launch the largest mass deportation in American history. Not to mention the insidious Project 2025 — a sweeping takeover of the federal government to consolidate power under Trump, who would essentially serve as the country’s first dictator. We can’t let that happen.